Don't wait up for me, London

Well, I am currently sitting on a plane in San Antonio, TX and we’ve been sitting here, waiting, for about 3 hours. It was supposed to be a quick 2-hour flight from Kansas City to Houston, but there was bad weather in Houston, and we ran out of gas waiting, so here we are 5 hours later… sitting on a plane in San Antonio…. (if I could scream, I probably would).

I can hear my mom saying “God was probably protecting you from something” so I’m digging deep inside trying to find a way to be thankful for this (who-knows-how long) plane delay. And let me just say, being claustrophobic and stuck on a plane (in the window seat) is rough. Let me also just say, I was actually supposed to fly out yesterday and should have already landed in London early this morning, but when I went to the airport yesterday, I ended up getting sent back home after waiting for over 5 hours. My flight to Newark had been delayed late enough that I wouldn’t make any connecting flights to London. There was apparently a bad incident on the runway in Newark so they had to shut it down. I was also supposed to be in business class, but since I needed to get the earliest flight out I just had to take whatever was available. If I do end up making my connecting flight in Houston, I’ll arrive early afternoon in London on Monday just in time to get home and pack a suitcase to head to Belgium for work for the week.

My parents ended up coming and getting me from the airport, and we ate dinner together. I was so emotionally drained by the end of the day I was so ready for sleep. I did, however, enjoy getting extra one-on-two time with Mom and Dad. I also got one more gym session in and got to give my dad a father’s day squeeze before Mom and I left for the airport this morning.

I’d say there’s usually a silver lining in most things; if we’re willing to look long enough... 

Speaking of silver linings, my reason for being the US was work-related, and not really optional, but it was certainly a blessing to get to see my family and especially my dad. I was supposed to just be in NYC for one week for work but due to unexpected changes, I booked a last minute flight Friday evening, May 31, and was on a plane Saturday morning, June 1 to Kansas City. Although a lot of last minute changes, I was happy that I’d get to see family during my work visit. Unfortunately, I didn’t get a ton of opportunity to see friends, but I did get to see everyone in my family at least once as well as say hello to my gym community, which I’ve missed.

I went to dad’s check-up appointment with him and mom on Friday to hear the pathology results. I’ll be honest and say it was hard for me to go and entertain next steps. It feels like he’s already accomplished so much through this journey and to know he has to do more (not to mention, more aggressive) treatment, makes me have to fight back tears. We definitely knew more chemo was a possibility but hearing that it was pretty much certain felt like a punch in the stomach.

Meagan and Max met us afterwards and took Mom home while I borrowed the car to run errands and dropped Dad off for basketball. He had been playing basketball with a group of guys prior to surgery and this was the first time he felt well enough to visit. He didn’t play, but he went to watch and say hi. It was fun to drop him off him happy to see them and everyone else excited to see him. There were lots of smiles and that made my heart feel really good; to see him happy.

On the drive to basketball, I voiced my concerns to my dad about chemo, and how I didn’t want them to do aggressive treatment (don't worry, my dad is used to my unfiltered thoughts by now). I mean, I recognize the doctor is most qualified to determine the treatment, but I just haven’t seen chemo do much good for many close friends, and if I'm being extremely honest, I really have a hard time believing in it. I said I felt like chemo through the port is such a mental battle and on top of not feeling well, I just didn’t like it, and I needed him to be ready for what was ahead. My dad, being the man he is, responded so confidently and said “well, it’s by the grace of God I’ve done so well this far. Doctors were impressed that I had so few symptoms when taking the chemo pill with radiation. I believe it was the grace of God. If he got me this far, he’ll get me through the rest”.

Man, my dad really showed me up in the faith arena. The cool part is that he wasn’t even trying to be “faithful” but that’s just genuinely what he believes how he has handled this entire diagnosis. I admire both my mom and dad so much. We have had a lot of hardships during my upbringing, but cancer has been an entirely different battle with an entirely new set of challenges.

During my first trip to the airport, Mom and I were debriefing the doctor’s appointment and she mentioned that nothing they say is ever a surprise, but yet still hard. She was telling me that she and dad have talked about what this means in terms of their faith / relationship with God, and my dad just said that you keep on with the same relationship with God you had before the diagnosis. That probably sounds like common sense to some, but I think we sometimes tend to get ourselves into these weird places where everything is the result of our action – did we pray too little, did we not read our bibles enough, etc. etc, when God is still God regardless of what we do. He is still the faithful, all-knowing, all-powerful God he was before, and there’s no need for us to treat Him any differently just because we feel like we need him a little more now. Gosh, my parents teach me so much and they are just being honest, real people. I don’t know if they realize that most times when I walk away from observing them do life it is, in a sense, a spiritual check on my own life. I just love them.

Well, as an update, 8 hours later, I got off the plane in Houston. I'm sitting here in a lounge posting the blog, texting my mama, and enjoying a glass of red wine during my layover. My connecting flight was delayed another hour and a half. I am also proud to say I sat on that plane for 8 hours and didn't have a panic attack (also worth noting that I didn't have any alcohol), and I was nice to my neighbors. That, my friends, is pre-thriving progress. :)

I love you guys! I am thankful I got to see those I did while I was back home. So many friends are expecting so I am excited to see all of the new born baby pictures in the near future! I am sad I'm not in the same life cycle as most of my friends but oh-so-thankful to get to watch my friends become amazing mothers.

I am honestly ready to be back in my London home so I can stop living out of suitcases. I am also excited to have a top sheet to put on my bed, new fluffy towels, my flavored water drops, and my Jiffs whipped peanut butter, all of which I bought while in the States...

Come visit!